How NOT to Name Your Baby

This morning, I ran into a blog post about how to name your baby. The author of this blog site, Cappy, has written a series of ‘How To’ articles. They’re delightful. Check them out.


With respect to the How to Name Your Baby blog post, I would just like to add one thing.

I call it my Kindergarten Roll Call Test. It is a good way to weed out ‘clunker’ names.


OK… you are trying to come up with a name for your newborn or soon-to-be-born child.

Imagine a group of 5-year-olds in kindergarten. Their teacher, Miss Niedermeyer, is conducting the roll call.

“Jennifer… Scott… Sarah… David… Michael… Montana Sky… ”

angry-kid-1(“You called me WHAT???”)

If in your mind you hear a sound kind of like a game show buzzer indicating a contestant failed… then the proposed name should be discarded.

Let’s try it again!

“Mary… Mark… Anna… Daniel… Constitution… ” BUZZER!!

facepalm ginger(There are people in IRELAND who aren’t even called that anymore!!)

The Kindergarten Roll Call Test.

Learn it. Live it. Love it.

TRUST ME… your kids will thank you one day.


This New Yorker Cartoon by Jack Ziegler is lovingly dedicated to ♠sabbiespurses♠.jack-ziegler-peter-rabbit-nursery-school-1980-new-yorker-cartoon


5 comments on “How NOT to Name Your Baby

  1. My daughters’ names are Isis, Aubriella and Iva because I refused to spawn another “Jennifer” or “Sarah” into this world. (No offense to those called Jennifer or Sarah.)

    • vampyrefangs says:

      Oh, that’s ANOTHER kvetch I have… names that are all exactly the same! I have a friend in The South who had 4 or 5 Beths in her class. Eventually, the teachers just had to start number then. Beth1, Beth2, etc. Have you ever seen that New Yorker cartoon by Jack Ziegler where everyone in the nursery school class photo is called either Jennifer or Scott?? I will find it at attach it to the bottom of this blog post. I think you will appreciate it! 🙂

  2. Saajida says:

    funny post! and good point made 🙂

    • vampyrefangs says:

      Thank you for the comment. In my line of work, I deal with many teenagers so I am very aware of that names were in style 14-17 years ago. Right now, the girls in Youth Court are usually called Jade, Crystal or Amber. Brittany is less popular now. 🙂

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