Movie Reviews: Total Recall – Resident Evil: Retribution.

Saw a couple of movies this weekend.

Total Recall

total-recall-poster

I remember watching the old 1990 version with Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was cool. I also remember hearing that they originally planned on casting Matthew Broderick in the lead role because they wanted the lead to be the most unlikely spy ever. Instead they went with a big box-office name whom no one was surprised to discover was actually some top spy.

One of the things I liked best about the 2012 remake (with Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel) was that Colin Farrell did seem like some grubby, scruffy factory worker.

A lot of critics complained that there was too much action/effects and not enough plot. I disagree. The plot was simple. Bored guy wants something exciting in his life. Decides to go to Rekall (‘Tell us your fantasy, We’ll make it real’), a company that will implant the memory of what you want your adventure/fantasy/vacation to be. Turns out, he’s already had a memory implanted. It’s his own life. Turns out ordinary scruffy factory worker is actually a real-live spy turned insurgent and what he thinks is his life is the implanted memory. In actual fact, he’s like the world’s greatest secret agent ever.

The action scenes were fantastic. The special effects eye-popping. Check it out. I liked it a lot.

Both the 1990 and 2012 film adaptations of Total Recall are based on “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale” – a short story by Philip K. Dick first published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction in April 1966. The book too is also worth a look!

aa-cute-skull-sm

Resident Evil: Retribution

resident-evil-retribution

I hate writing this. I pains me. Why? Because I am in love with Milla Jovovich. Always have been. Always will be.

Resident Evil: Retribution is everything that everyone said about Total Recall (2012). It doesn’t live up to its predecessor. It’s all action and no plot. It’s just an excuse to slap together a lot of special effects and fight scenes. It even has the old ‘imprinted fake memory’ shtick.

Yes. Yes. It’s true. It’s all true!

But it has, for me, one redeeming quality. Milla Jovovich in a tight black PVC outfit. I can watch the entire movie with the sound off and still get all breathless and weak at the knees every time she’s on the screen (or in my case, the computer monitor).

I don’t care that the plot sucks. I don’t care that the special effects are the main excuse for the movie. I don’t care that the film is basically a real-life version of a computer game. I just… don’t… care.

Milla-Jovovich-Resident-Evil-Retribution(Could be zombies. Could be fans from Comic-Con. Hard to tell sometimes)

Milla Jovovich as Alice. That is the only ingredient I need.

So say what you will about the movie. I’ll probably agree with almost all of it. But it doesn’t matter to me. Just like it doesn’t matter that Underworld: Awakening was bad. It has Kate Beckinsale in tight leather and PVC!!

It’s like I can’t think or process any information after that point. I’m helpless.

Milla-Jovovich-Resident-Evil(“My name is Alice. I worked for the Umbrella Corporation”)

My mind shuts off. My eyes widen… and my heart belongs to her. There is nothing else.

aa-tribalfang

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9 comments on “Movie Reviews: Total Recall – Resident Evil: Retribution.

  1. ladyhexen says:

    My only reason for watching Resident Evil Retribution is the same as yours! I’ve not seen it yet, and I know it’s going to be bad, but I’m still looking forward to it.

    • vampyrefangs says:

      Oh, it’s not awful. The effects are fantastic. And if your reason for watching it is the same as mine, you are going to be delighted! Please let me know what you think of it, ok? 🙂

  2. lsmoore says:

    Thanks for the review/reminder. I’ve got to see Total Recall. I’ll definitely give my sons a heads up about Dead Sno too. Sounds awesome.

  3. renxkyoko says:

    There’s no thriller that I don’t like and RE to me has always been one big treat.

    • vampyrefangs says:

      They make a lot of changes to the standard zombie scenario but then again, that’s one of the reasons (other than Milla Jovovich) that keeps me coming back for more! 🙂

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