The Twilight Saga – NEW MOON: The Second Level of Hell

Last week, after years of putting it off, I watched the movie “Twilight.”

This week, I watched the second in the Twilight Saga series, “New Moon.”

(New Moon – DVD cover)

Once again, I did not burst into flames nor did blood spurt from my eyes.

OK, here it goes (as per the DVD blurb)…

The romance between mortal Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattison) grows more intense as ancient secrets threaten to destroy them. When Edward leaves in an effort to keep Bella safe, she tests fate in increasingly reckless ways in order to glimpse her love once more. But when she’s saved from the brink by her friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lodner), Bella will uncover mysteries of the supernatural world that will put her in more peril then ever before.

Mayhem ensues when… Bella acts like a self-destructive idiot and the supernatural shit starts to hit the fan. As Michael Dequina of TheMovieReport.com observes, “Ostensible heroine Bella is such a weak, needy, pathetic co-dependent who stirs up so much sh*t for those she purportedly loves that it’s hard to muster much rooting interest for her.” Well put.

Simon Miraudo of Quickfliks goes further, describing New Moon as having “excruciatingly lazy storytelling, atrocious performances, listless direction and a core storyline that is both uninteresting and somewhat disturbing.”

RottenTomatoes.com gave it a 28% on the ‘freshness scale.’

My two cents… this movie moves at a glacial pace and is painfully long – a deadly combination in any movie. Add to it the   downcast tone of the film and you get a long, slow downer. Who wouldn’t love that? Well, apparently, may do.  Die-hard Twilight fans will not be disappointed because… well… they have a lot of emotional investment in the franchise already and bring a lot of enthusiasm with them. And New Moon gives them what they want… lots of torturous, self-centred teen angst. Lots of pining and yearning and sexless frustration. Lots of relentlessly shirtless hunky guys.

(The Volturi)

There is one tiny bit of fun that I thoroughly enjoyed. Dakota Fanning as the red-eyed Jane, a member of the Volturi… a kind of vampyre aristocracy that both rules and enforces the law. It’s rather a small part I but had a good time during those scenes.

Bottom line… This movie isn’t about vampyres and werewolves. It’s a ‘woe is me’ lament about the pain of abstinence because your mind is telling you “no, no, no” but your body is telling you “yes, yes, yes!” As for your heart… well… it’s way too busy being whipped and flogged while chained to the bed to care.

Next stop… The Twilight Saga: ECLIPSE! And may G-d have mercy on my soul.

aa-tribalfang

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8 comments on “The Twilight Saga – NEW MOON: The Second Level of Hell

  1. renxkyoko says:

    Ooooh. My mom gifted me with a complete set of this saga…. still unread, and gathering dust. Who are these movies’ fans, anyways. I know millions and millions, but who are they? what age group?

    • vampyrefangs says:

      I’ve not read the books either. From what I understand from girls who have read and enjoyed them, they appear to be written specifically for teenage girls. HOWEVER… there is a large segment of the Twilight Saga movie audience that consists of women in their 30s and 40s. In other words, the moms! Be afraid. Be very afraid! 🙂

      • renxkyoko says:

        Oh.

        hey, my Mom obssessed on Harry Potter ! I guesss that’s the same as the 40’s Mom that like Twilight? But Twilight is romance… harry potter isn’t. Mom is like mothering Harry Potter, ha ha ha

        • vampyrefangs says:

          I think there is a deeper emotional investment with the Twilight moms. They fantasize about what they feel love is ‘supposed’ to be… full of emotion and devoid of sex. It is a sanitized, sterilized view where the relationship is all talk and no action.

        • vampyrefangs says:

          At least with Harry Potter, you had very positive female role models: Hermoine Granger, Molly Weasley, Professor McGonagall, Nymphadora Tonks…. Strong, loyal, intelligent, brave women… and when Hermoine was separated from her boyfriend, she didn’t go all ‘woe is me’ and jump off a cliff. She kicked ass! These are women to admire!

    • vampyrefangs says:

      Right now, I’m watching the third movie… Eclipse. Expect my two cents on that movie soon! 🙂

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