TWILIGHT (the movie): The First Level of Hell

Well, I finally did it.

After having it sit on my computer shelf for almost a year, I finally slapped the DVD of Twilight into the old puter and fired it up.

As I did so, my Catholic school upbringing welled up inside me, bringing with it a half-forgotten snippet of prayer to my lips. “Libera Nos a Malo![1]

As you’ve probably pieced together by now, I did not burst into flames upon watching Twilight nor did blood spurt from my eyes.

It’s not a great movie. It is not really a good one, either. But I don’t think it deserves all the crap heaped on it over the last few years.

It’s not horrible. It is not wretched. It did not make me want to pull my head off.

It did make me frustrated and upset. Not because it is insipid and tiresome and BORING (which it is) but because of what it does to my beloved vampyre lore. That is what really kills me about Twilight. An entire generation of young people growing up with this decaffeinated espresso vampyre image.

(Toute la fang gang!)

Sparkling? Doesn’t feed from humans? 100 years old and still hasn’t gotten over the tortured teen angst thing.

Really? Seriously??

What’s the effen point!? Who wants a sanitized, toothless vampyre?

Apparently, lots of people! And that is the sad part of Twilight.

People who’ve drunk only orange-flavoured pop or eaten only margarine think they have an idea of what orange or butter taste like. But those of us who have tasted real freshly squeezed orange juice and real fresh butter can only shake our heads and pity them. They think they know.. but they SO don’t.

I guess that’s what Twilight made me feel most of all. Pity.

Yeah, I guess that’s it.

I don’t hate Twilight fans. I pity them. I feel sorry for them… for all those poor misguided souls who read the books and watch the movies and think they know what the world of vampyres is really like.



[1] From the Pater Noster. A supplication to the Almighty to “Deliver Us from Evil!”


4 comments on “TWILIGHT (the movie): The First Level of Hell

  1. Jazz says:

    Toothless vampyre. I like that. Vampires are supposed to be monsters, no angst there. I blame Anne Rice. She started the whole sanitzation thing. People are no longer afraid of vampyres, they fall in love with them. The last good vampyre book was The Historian.

    • vampyrefangs says:

      Rice had her own whiny guilt-ridden character, Louis de Pointe du Lac – but she mercifully balances him with the magnificently flamboyant Lestat du Lioncourt.

  2. JulesPaige says:

    I read the books – just couldn’t watch the movies. But then I also like ‘Sookie Stackhouse’ (just the books!). On my Longer verse blog I have a fantasy going on the pages marked Story Verse A and Story Verse B. That’s but then I have also written about Mermaids…

    Most where written from word lists from

    Speaking of Vamps…I still can hum the theme from the music box from the original “Dark Shadows” …ta ta ta-te tum …

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s