The Twilight Saga – NEW MOON: The Second Level of Hell

Last week, after years of putting it off, I watched the movie “Twilight.”

This week, I watched the second in the Twilight Saga series, “New Moon.”

(New Moon – DVD cover)

Once again, I did not burst into flames nor did blood spurt from my eyes.

OK, here it goes (as per the DVD blurb)…

The romance between mortal Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattison) grows more intense as ancient secrets threaten to destroy them. When Edward leaves in an effort to keep Bella safe, she tests fate in increasingly reckless ways in order to glimpse her love once more. But when she’s saved from the brink by her friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lodner), Bella will uncover mysteries of the supernatural world that will put her in more peril then ever before.

Mayhem ensues when… Bella acts like a self-destructive idiot and the supernatural shit starts to hit the fan. As Michael Dequina of TheMovieReport.com observes, “Ostensible heroine Bella is such a weak, needy, pathetic co-dependent who stirs up so much sh*t for those she purportedly loves that it’s hard to muster much rooting interest for her.” Well put.

Simon Miraudo of Quickfliks goes further, describing New Moon as having “excruciatingly lazy storytelling, atrocious performances, listless direction and a core storyline that is both uninteresting and somewhat disturbing.”

RottenTomatoes.com gave it a 28% on the ‘freshness scale.’

My two cents… this movie moves at a glacial pace and is painfully long – a deadly combination in any movie. Add to it the   downcast tone of the film and you get a long, slow downer. Who wouldn’t love that? Well, apparently, may do.  Die-hard Twilight fans will not be disappointed because… well… they have a lot of emotional investment in the franchise already and bring a lot of enthusiasm with them. And New Moon gives them what they want… lots of torturous, self-centred teen angst. Lots of pining and yearning and sexless frustration. Lots of relentlessly shirtless hunky guys.

(The Volturi)

There is one tiny bit of fun that I thoroughly enjoyed. Dakota Fanning as the red-eyed Jane, a member of the Volturi… a kind of vampyre aristocracy that both rules and enforces the law. It’s rather a small part I but had a good time during those scenes.

Bottom line… This movie isn’t about vampyres and werewolves. It’s a ‘woe is me’ lament about the pain of abstinence because your mind is telling you “no, no, no” but your body is telling you “yes, yes, yes!” As for your heart… well… it’s way too busy being whipped and flogged while chained to the bed to care.

Next stop… The Twilight Saga: ECLIPSE! And may G-d have mercy on my soul.

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I Have Some Unusual Habits: Delicious Dexter

For all those who think Dexter is too yummy for words! 🙂

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Have you seen these adorable Dexter Blood Slide lollipops from the fantastic Andrea over at Forkable?  Made of melted sugar poured and cut to look like glass microscope slides, a touch of red food coloring gives this wicked candy the perfect vibrant Dexter specimen splash.

As Andrea nicely sums up from the show,

For any of you who aren’t familiar with the show, Dexter is about a serial killer of the same name, who works by day as a forensic analyst for the Miami police department, and by night, cleansing the city of the evil criminals who slip through the cracks of our faulty judicial system.  Every serial killer has to keep his mementos and Dexter’s trophy case, consists of a box of slides, each containing one drop of blood from each victim.

Visit Forkablefor the complete instructions and step-by-step photos for creating your own candy…

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Thinking Costume: Jessica Rabbit, Original Ginger

Jessica Rabbit is one of my all time favourite ‘hot’ cartoon girls! The fact that she’s a Ginger makes her even hotter!

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Jessica Rabbit Untooned by Pixeloo

Jessica Rabbit, drawn with a smooth wave of long hair falling over one eye, is an iconic redhead, named as the sexiest animated character of all time and evoking classic silver screen beauties from the 40’s like Rita Hayworth and Veronica Lake. Read on for some thoughts on costuming and makeup to bring your own sultry Jessica Rabbit look to life, complete with tutorials and real-life cosplay examples, or jump straight to our Jessica Rabbit cosplay gallery here!

An exaggerated callback to those body-fitting gowns of the 1940’s, the basic Jessica Rabbit costume is long, red dress, strapless gown with a low back and sweetheart neckline, slit to the thigh.  Accessories include opera length (look for 16″-23″ lengths to reach above the elbow) purple gloves, red pumps, and gold-tone stud earrings, as you can see in Jessica’s signature musical number below.

From a costuming perspective, thegloves

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Creepy Girls (11): Reflections

As I peruse the various macabre images of creepy girls, there is one subset that never fails to give me goosebumps.

Mirrors.

Or more precisely the horrible things contained therein.

Sometimes the girls seem oblivious to what is going on in the mirror.

Is the mirror reflecting something within the girl?

Or is it a view from a different reality…

…one trying to make its way into our world?

I don’t like mirrors. I try to avoid them when I can.

I’m always afraid of what I will see.

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Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 20): The American Taliban

Republican in Name Only

The American Taliban

They can call themselves The Tea Party. They can call themselves conservatives. They can call themselves Republicans, though Republicans certainly shouldn’t.

But we should call them what they are: the American Taliban.

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I used to tease the heck out of The Tea Party. I used to have fun at their expense. I used to mock them mercilessly.

They’re not funny anymore. They’re frightening.

The Impact Of Jerry Nelson

We will miss you, Count. How much? One! Ah… ah… ah! TWO!! Ah… ah… ah!!

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go.Jimmy.go

I remember when Jim Henson died back in 1990 it didn’t really affect me. I was, after all  twenty years old and having just recently left the confines of public school; eagerly looking forward to getting my “You can now purchase alcohol legally” card.

I was roughly nine years removed from the days of regularly watching Kermit the Frog and Ernie (who was always my favorite Muppet). So, although still tragic, I saw Henson’s untimely passing as something much too childish to think about.

Fast forward 22 years.

Jerry Nelson, another famous Muppeteer, passed away on August 23rd at the age of 78. Although having lived nearly three decades longer than Henson, his death has affected me more. I look at the list of characters he has portrayed over the course of his career; many of whom were a regular part of my life growing up in the 1970’s. Among…

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TRUE BLOOD: Season 5 Finale (WARNING: Major Spoiler Alert!!)

I watched the much-anticipated Season 5 Finale of True Blood and I am still reeling!

Without giving a blow-by-blow description of each scene…

Oh, screw it… here’s a blow-by-blow description of each scene!!

WARNING!! MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!!
READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT ANY PLOT GIVE-AWAYS!!

TRUE BLOOD: SEASON 5 FINALE

And we’re off…

Opening (Fairy Field/Nightclub): Russell Edgington sees the invisible nightclub. Fairies blast him with light. He just laughs and pushes forward as Steve Newlin watches. Fairy light pushes Russell back… right onto the stake held by Eric Northman! Russell Edgington dies. Steve Newlin flees. Eric: “Well, that felt even better than I thought it would.”

Fairy Field: Sookie runs out of nightclub and onto field after Jason (who was knocked away by fairy light). Nora shows up. “What is that amazing smell?” Nora chases after Sookie. Eric catches Nora by hair and makes her swear not to feed on Sookie. Jason comes to but hallucinates seeing his mother, not Sookie.

Authority HQ: Bill outside Lilith’s shrine. A naked Sam Merlotte is brought in as Bill’s ‘breakfast.’ Sam says he and Luna are at the Authority only to find Luna’s daughter, Emma. Bill says Sam knows too much. Sam shifts into fly and disappears through ventilation duct.

Fangtasia:  Tara tells Eric and Nora that the Authority has Pam.  Eric hauls out all of the money hidden in a basement wall.  Plans to go to the Authority to rescue Pam.

Sookie’s House: Sookie on couch talking with Jason while Jason’s hallucinating his parents sitting on either side of Sookie. Eric, Nora and Tara burst into the house. Eric tells Sookie that Bill was behind the True Blood factory bombings. Asks Sookie for help in rescuing Pam, Jessica and, if possible, Bill, since Sookie is the only one who might get through to Bill. Sookie says OK. Jason agrees to come along at the suggestion of his hallucinated father in order to kill as many vampyres as he can.

Authority HQ: Bill reprimands Security Team and orders them to scour building looking for mice, flies, cockroaches… anything that might be Sam and Luna… and kill them. Salome asks Bill if he has seen Chancellor Akinjide. Bill admits killing him and tells Salome that Lilith appeared to him. Bill lies and says Lilith told him that Salome was the chosen one and that he was to serve and protect Salome.

Authority Cells: Dozens of naked people being held as food for the Authority, including Luna and Emma (in wolf cub form). Sam appears, tells Luna that Bill is crazy and that if they come for her, she should shift and get out. Luna doesn’t want to leave Emma but Sam convinces her (vampyres don’t feed from wolves). He shifts into fly and leaves.

Authority Cells: Pam and Jessica discuss the rise of the fundamentalist Saguinista movement.

Jackson Herveaux’s Trailer: Alcide’s dad talks about how hard it is for parents to teach their kids how screwed up the world is. Alcide says he’s heard it all before. Emma’s grandmother Martha pulls up in her car with Rikki in the back seat screaming. Pack master JD Carson made Rikki drink vampyre blood (V). Rikki freaking out. Martha is afraid she may have OD’d.

Authority Air Vents: Sam flies through ventilation system, looks through ceiling vent and sees Bill in bed with Salome.

The Stake House: Jason and Sookie go to the anti-vampyre weapons shop to stock up on supplies. Jason continues to hallucinate that his parents are with him and encouraging him to kill all vampyres.

Jackson Herveaux’s Trailer: Rikki’s going through a bad reaction to the V. Criticizes Alcide for just leaving the pack without a word and not calling her. She tells how pack master JD forced to drink the blood. Alcide wants to fight JD but can’t while JD is on V. Too strong. Jackson has ‘special reserve’ of high quality V for Alcide.

Authority HQ: Sam the fly goes to Steve Newlin’s room and snoops around, then returns to the Cells to talk to Luna about a plan he has devised.

Merlotte’s: Lafayette makes cajun margaritas for Arlene and Holly.  Andy and his very pregnant fairy girlfriend Morella enter. He sits her at a booth and she drinks a container of salt. Andy talks with Holly and confesses his two sexual incidents with Morella a week before. Just then, Morella’s ‘light breaks’ and she goes into labour.

Authority Private Chambers: Bill and Salome in bed. He calls her his beautiful prophet. They have sex.

Jason’s truck: Sookie says Bill’s not evil. Jason’s Dad says Sookie’s blinded by love. Jason and Sookie discuss their screwed up relationships with others. Eric lands on truck roof and tells them to pull over.

Merlotte’s: Morella on pool table in labour. Holly: “I do not believe I am midwifing for your pregnant girlfriend… that I just found out about!” Gives birth to a girl with no umbilical cord. Holly: “We’re not done!” as Morella continues labour pains.

Authority Cells: Steve Newlin and guards go to cell where Emma is kept. We realize that Steve Newlin is actually Luna. She takes Emma (still a wolf pup) and says she needs a little ‘play time.’ Leaves cells carrying Emma.

Authority Reception area: Receptionist talks with Newlin/Luna and notices he has lost his southern accent. Chancellor Rosalyn Harris arrives and makes Newlin help her on damage control re frat boys Newlin and Edgington killed.

Merlotte’s: Morella gives birth to another girl. The fourth child that night. Morella gets up like nothing happened and walks out leaving the 4 babies with Andy. Holly says to Andy, “You’re a dick!”

Pack HQ: Pack Master JD has a vampyre strung up with chains, cuts him and says, “Drinks on me!” Alcide and his dad, Jackson, come forward. Alcide and JD fight. Jackson and Martha make sure others stay out of the fight. Alcide kills JD. Pack acknowledges Alcide as new pack master. Alcide sets new rules for pack.

Authority Building exterior: Eric and Nora drive truck with Sookie, Jason and Tara tied and gagged in back. Guard calls it in and Bill allows them past the gate.

Authority Video Studio: Steve Newlin/Luna being prepared for broadcast.  Chancellor Harris complains about how things are going to hell. She tells Newlin/Luna that he broadcasts live in 5 seconds. Being interviewed live on a news program, Newlin shifts into Luna on national television. Lafayette, watching the broadcast from Merlotte’s: “I did not see that shit coming.” Luna warns viewers the people are being held captive in a building somewhere in New Orleans. Chancellor Harris opens her mouth to say something. Sam the fly goes into her mouth, then shifts into human shape, bursting out of Harris. Luna looks like she’s about to faint.

Authority Board Room: Salome enters Lilith’s shrine. Bill sees her on security camera. Salome promises Lilith that vampyres will rightfully rule the Earth.

Authority Elevator: Jason, Sookie, Eric, Tara and Nora arm up. Eric gives signal to Tara to disable security cameras.

Lilith’s Shrine: Salome removes crystal vial of Lilith’s blood. Asks for guidance as she surrenders herself to Lilith.

Authority Reception: Elevator opens. Receptionist hits alarm button. Jason kills receptionist.

Lilith’s Shrine: Intercom – “Initiating Level Two Protocols!” Salome runs out of Shrine.

Reception Area: Eric & Nora run out of elevator. Jason shoots cameras and guards who enter. Level Two Protocol initiated. Lights go out. Tara and Sookie leave elevator.

Board Room: A dozen security guards enter. Eric and Nora hiding above near ceiling. They kill all the guards. Eric: “See what you’ve been missing… working for the fucking authority?”

Cells: Tara and Sookie find Jessica and Pam and tell them they are waiting for Eric and Nora to disarm and unlock everything.

Control Room: Nora and Eric work on disarming and unlocking everything.

Reception Area: Jason behind reception desk shooting vampyres.

Cells: Gates unlock. Sookie opens door for Jessica (because they’re silver). Tara burns hand opening cell for Pam. Pam & Tara kiss deeply. Jessica: “I KNEW IT!!”

Private Chambers: Bill and Salome discuss Salome drinking all of Lilith’s blood and how it might adversely affect Salome. Salome drinks from the vial.

Reception Area: Sookie, Tara, Pam and Jessica return. Jessica runs to Jason and tells him she loves him. Jason says he could never love a vampyre. Eric and Nora arrive. Everyone goes into elevator except Eric and Sookie who say they are going to find Bill.

Chambers: Salome is vomiting blood, convulsing, having bad reaction. Bill transferred Lilith’s blood to a bottle, added human blood spiked with silver. Salome: “Lilith… chose wisely.” Bill stakes Salome. Takes out bottle of Lilith’s blood. Eric and Sookie enter. Eric tells Bill that Lilith is a mad god and not to drink the blood. Bill reveals himself to be a True Believer in Lilith. He drinks Lilith’s blood. Has immediate bad reaction. He bleeds from the mouth and eyes and explodes. A reborn Bill Compton rises from the pool of dead Bill Compton’s blood. Eric screams, “Run!”

End Credits

But wait… there’s more!

True Blood Season 5 Finale Bonus Scene Interactive

THE END

A whole lot of people were bumped off this season, including trashy Werewolf Debbie [I’m gonna miss her!], Mike the Coroner, a whole bunch of Authority people (Guardian Roman, Chancellors Dieter, Alexander, Kibwe,  and the adorable Molly who was the Authority tech girl), Junior the clerk at The Stake House, Lt Patrick Devins and a whole bunch of others – but not including Tara Thornton (who was killed earlier this season and brought back as a vampyre) and Hoyt who was glamoured and left for Alaska.

Season Finale Tally:

Dead: Russel Edgington, JD Carson, Chancellor Rosalyn Harris, Salome, Bill Compton,

Unknown: Resurrected Bill Compton.

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