Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 17): Marathons

While technically, ‘marathons’ would normally not be included in a list of people I hate, I am going to have to make an exception in this case.

Running marathons, bike marathons and all the other stupid thingathons would not occur if it wasn’t for those people out there who are eager to participate in marathons, curse their sweaty, spandex-encased little hearts.


It is common (albeit not publicly expressed) knowledge that any kind of marathon that disrupts or interferes with traffic or even one’s ability to cross an intersection without having to wait for a hundred well-meaning yet horribly annoying people, bothers right-thinking members of society.

Today was an excellent example. There I was, minding my own business and deliberately taking a country drive in order to avoid traffic and crowds. No sooner did I arrive in town than I (and a dozen other drivers, including a couple of motorcyclists with whom I would not want to mess) were held at bay by a local regional police officer (no doubt cursing under his breath). It was in the one of the warmest days of the year so far.

What was the hold-up? It could have been an accident. It could have been some other emergency that legitimately and understandably kept us stranded at that intersection.

(I’ve been waiting 10 minutes to cross the street. GO AWAY!!)

But noooooo!! It was hundreds of stupid bike marathoners!!

One even had the nerve to smile and wave at me. Wave at me? You think I’m happy that I’m sitting here in the heat while you glide on by, you twerp? If there wasn’t an armed member of the local constabulary standing nearby, you’d be a hood-ornament on my car!

Listen. If people want to run around for miles and miles, bless them. If people want to peddle around for miles and miles, let them.

Just get them away from people who have things to do!!

(Now THAT’S more like it! Text me if you make it, ok?)

Stop the madness!

Or at least move the entire shindig out to where it can’t be an inconvenience to pedestrians and traffic.



6 comments on “Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 17): Marathons

  1. Anna Camara says:

    Yes! Last weekend it took one hour (!) with my friend in my non-AC car to get from Carlaw to Parkside on Lakeshore Blvd. One hour added to a 1.5 hour day trip. With all of the vast suburban tracts around this city, why can they not hold marathons in these exurban deserts? Better still: real deserts! Let them test their mettle in the blazing sun away from the few clogged thoroughfares left to us in this city.

  2. Jazz says:

    And that post is just another of the reasons I’m getting to love you.

  3. Flyfisherjo says:

    This is one of the reasons I left the Beaches. It shuts down routinely to “accomodate” marathons, etc and we were thanked for the “inconvenience” but they were raising money for some cause. Take it somewhere else, people, it shouldn’t be in the heart of the city!
    That being said, I have lived in the country and have been held up while stupid cyclists have taken up a whole, twisting 80K road while they went 40K. I had to run into town to buy feed for my poultry and thanks to those idiots, it took 30 minutes longer because there was no way to pass them, so they don’t belong in the country either. Build them a track with a pretty garden and let them run and bike around that!

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