What is Love?

What Is Love? [1][2]

(And no, it’s not that ‘A Night at the Roxbury’ song by Haddaway)

We live under a massive cultural delusion about the nature of real love.

Propagated by mainstream media, from the time you’re born you’re inundated with the belief that love is a feeling and that when you find “the one” you’ll sense it in your gut and be overcome by an undeniable sense of knowing. When the feeling and corresponding knowing fade (for the knowing is intimately linked to the feeling) and the work of learning about real love begins, most people take the diminished feeling as a sign that they’re in the wrong relationship and walk away. And then they start over again, only to find that the now-familiar knowing and feeling fade again… and again… and again.

If love isn’t a feeling, what is it?

Love is action. Love is tolerance. Love is learning your partner’s love language and then expressing love in a way that he can receive. Love is giving. Love is receiving. Love is plodding through the slow eddies of a relationship without jumping ship into another’s churning rapids. Love is recognizing that it’s not your partner’s job to make you feel alive, fulfilled, or complete; that’s your job. And it’s only when you learn to become the source of your own aliveness and are living your life connected to the spark of genius that is everyone’s birthright can you fully love another.

It’s a crushing moment when the infatuation drug wears off and they’re left to begin the real work of loving. And it’s even more devastating when this happens during their engagement, a time our culture hammers into their head as the happiest in their life. It’s time to send a different message to young people about the difference between infatuation and love. If we’re going to restore marriage to a place of honor and respect, we must teach that the role of one’s partner is not to save you from yourself and make you feel alive, fulfilled, and complete; only you can do that. It’s time to teach a different message. Let’s begin the conversation here.



[1] This piece is a re-blogging of most of a blog article by Sheryl Paul in the online edition of the Huffington Post (yeah, I real all kinds of things).

[2] Sheryl Paul, M.A., has counseled thousands of people worldwide through her private practice, her bestselling books, her Home Study Programs and her websites. She has appeared several times on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”, as well as on “Good Morning America” and other top media shows and publications around the globe. To sign up for her free 78-page eBook, “Conscious Transitions: The 7 Most Common (and Traumatic) Life Changes”, visit her website at http://conscious-transitions.com.


6 comments on “What is Love?

  1. I have long said that love is a behavior not an emotion. If you cannot act in a way that is loving toward your partner then all the “Love” in the world that you feel is meaningless. Great post!

  2. vampyrefangs says:

    Thanks for your kind words. Glad you liked it.

    • bunnynoah says:

      I’ve always felt love was like a rollercoaster. There are the highs and lows, the sudden turns, the topsy-turvy feelings, the rush of wind through your hair……. and the slow times when the ride is waiting to go again. It needs constant repairs and tweeking, sometimes it needs major repairs and sometimes it is just there… idle while winter winds blow, but it is always there – looming and wonderful…. even if just in memory.

  3. Reblogged this on Another Boomer Blog and commented:
    I couldn’t have said it better myself. So Iet Vampyre Fangs say it for me. 🙂

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