Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 14): The Humourless

I like to think of myself as a rational, even-minded person, I really do.

However, every once in a while (and far more often than necessary), I run into certain types of people who drive me to distraction… to the point where I hate them and, as a result, almost everyone.

The ‘jerks du jour’ I’d like to discuss are the humourless.

People with NO sense of humour. They don’t laugh. They don’t smile. They take everything seriously. Nothing is funny to them. Even when they know something is meant as a joke, they take an almost perverse pleasure in pretending it was said seriously. They meet every punchline with a blank stare, every rim-shot with a derisive sneer.

(Professor Severus Snape – Patron Saint of the Humourless)

When presented with the type of person who wears frivolity like an impenetrable shield, they shake their heads mournfully.

They sap the fun and pleasure out of life.

Not content with being humourless themselves, their mission is to drain the cheerfulness from everyone around them. When they walk into a room, you can almost feel the energy waning. People hang their heads and sigh or groan.

I have no idea why humourless people are the way they are and, frankly, I could not care less.

Someone near and dear to me married a humourless person. When I met the spouse-to-be, I was immediately struck by the fact that the person never smiled, let alone laughed. What kind of person never cracks a smile? The marriage did not last. No one was the least bit surprised.

Humourlessness is, to my way of thinking, a sign of an unhealthy mind and a sick spirit.

Deep inside, I know that this type of person is more to be pitied than censured… but I can’t help it.

I do not feel compassion for them. I do not sympathize with their predicament. My heart does not bleed for them. I do not say to myself, “There, but for the grace of G-d, go I.”

I just hate them.

Thinking about them makes my hair hurt.

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6 comments on “Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 14): The Humourless

  1. nightgaunt49 says:

    Your lack of empathy doesn’t show you in a good light either. Who knows why? (I’d say part of it is genetics, the rest is how one is raised.) I have been called “humorless” an that I “don’t smile an laugh enough” by my mother. But at least I know I have to be careful what I say or say nothing in certain situations. I don’t mean to be humorless, at least in relation to others like yourself, but it happens anyway. But then humanity is a continuum, not one type only. So maybe you should feel more than hate, or is it pity, for those of us who don’t meet your standards of fun loving? Just a thought.

    • vampyrefangs says:

      I’m sorry if I fall short of your standards of empathy. πŸ˜‰ [just teasing]

      But seriously, perhaps you are right. Maybe I should try to be more understanding. Lord knows, I can’t change the humourless.

      I think what troubles me most is how many of the humourless (and you do not seem to fall into this category, nightgaunt49) seem to want to deprive others of their happiness.

      Certainly, if the smiles and laughter do not come naturally, then I would be the last to suggest that the humourless should pretend and feign jocularity. I definitely prefer no smiles and laughter to fake ones.

      • nightgaunt49 says:

        I have been called humorless but I listened to them. (My now late mother helped.) So at least sometimes I remember not to just say something without thinking. Even so I still do it enough times to put some people off but I am trying. How many have I met who are oblivious in the same way I was or just selfish an don’t care what they say to others? Too many.

        But I well agree that many characters out there on TV or movies would make terrible friends or even people! I hope you can mitigate your hate some. I try not to hate anyone which doesn’t get them off the hook either. I am working on my empathy. I don’t seem to have enough naturally so I must compensate. The best I can do. Knowing is the first step isn’t it?

        • vampyrefangs says:

          I hope you realize that ‘hate’ is hyperbole for the purposes of this series of articles. I am not sure I actually ‘hate’ anyone. It is far too intense an emotion. I can probably see a situation where hate would arise but I don’t think I’ve hit that state yet. So… you’re safe. I don’t hate you. πŸ™‚

  2. nightgaunt49 says:

    Also in one of those on line personality tests I was closest to Severus Snape.

    • vampyrefangs says:

      Severus Snape is one of my favourite characters in the Harry Potter series. Humourlessness, for me, is easier to take in fictional characters. πŸ™‚

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