I used to tease my dear friend, JC, about the amount of tea (Tetley Orange Pekoe) she would drink in a day. Gallons! I’m not kidding.
Now, while I am not quite up to her league yet when it comes to tea consumption, I feel I can no longer rib her on this particular issue. At least not since I started drinking Lipton Mandarin Orange Green Tea.
Now, I don’t know what they put in those cute little pyramid bags. I’m presuming it’s heroin or crack or some other staggeringly illegal substance. The point is, I’ve become severely addicted to this particular brand and flavour of tea and there is no sign of me going cold turkey any time soon.
What will happen, of course, is that in a few months, the Lipton Tea Company (if that’s even their real name!) will take the product off the shelves and leave me in a fetal position, whimpering and shivering. Typical pusher tactic, of course. Get you hooked, then cut off the supply so that you’d do anything, pay anything to get some.
It would be the flavoured tea version of The Wire… and the local grocery stores are the Barksdale crew!
A similar thing happened years ago with Secret’s Vanilla Chai underarm deodorant. One day, it was there in plentiful supply, the next day, I was driving to every Walmart and 7-11 within 50 miles trying to get the last sticks before they disappeared forever. It was not a pretty sight, let me assure you!
So, yes… I stand here before you and confess… My name is Vampyre Fangs… and I am an addict.
Curse you, Lipton. Curse you all to heck. And you too, Secret! You made me the wretch I am today!