Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 8): The Mouth Switch

Somewhere in my Grade One view of the human head, I imagine a tiny switch between the brain and the mouth. It is this switch that prevents one from saying everything that happens to go through one’s mind.

Some people either lack this switch or the switch is faulty/burned out.

Either way, if they are thinking it… they are saying it.

Little kids tend to say what they are thinking. This is what allows them to look at a total stranger from their vantage point in the grocery store shopping cart and exclaim loudly, “He’s fat!”

The switch has not fully developed. It has not matured. It is not yet properly in place and functioning.

The 3-year-old in the shopping cart has an excuse. Adults don’t.

(Dogbert explains it all for you!)

The Mouth Switch keeps the internal dialogue… well… internal. Very few people need or even want to hear what you are thinking. And just because you are thinking it, that in and of itself does not mean there is a corresponding interest in hearing your random thoughts.

Faulty Mouth Switch Disorder seems to be spreading throughout our society.

My dear friend RS was commenting just last night on how some fellow-moms (and, more irritatingly, non-moms) in her neighbourhood feel free to beak off regarding her parenting skills and techniques. And these aren’t even friends or acquaintances… just random people. Now, I am sure these women mean well. I will not presume that they are meddlesome busybodies or full-time kvetchers or even merely opinionated. The point is, you don’t walk up to a young woman and start rattling off your opinions on parenting and how you feel she is falling short of your expectations. ESPECIALLY someone you don’t know!

Young moms aren’t the only ones are risk. People feel free to express whatever floats through their minds on any number of subjects… politicians, celebrities, the law… politicians and celebrities at odds with the law, etc.

As some of you may know, I am a criminal defence lawyer. Apparently, this gives many people carte blanche to pontificate on what they think is wrong with the criminal justice system. They are almost never informed (let alone rational) opinions. These people put the ‘jerk’ in ‘knee-jerk reactions!’ I try my best to smile and nod and hope they suddenly remember a pressing appointment to which they need to go immediately.

To sum up… No one cares what you happen to be thinking. Seriously. I really mean it. NO ONE CARES!

Thumper’s Mom had it right. Follow her simple rule and you should be fine.

If you can’t say somethin’ nice… don’t say nothin’ at all.


2 comments on “Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 8): The Mouth Switch

  1. Flyfisherjo says:

    Morphine definitely turns the switch off but it seems everyone thinks you’re a stand up comedian while you are on it, so it balances out. 🙂

  2. Laughing, laughing, laughing, rolling on the floor laughing… My dear friend (wiping eyes) it is clear to see that you have never lived in a small town. I grew up in a one horse town where your neighbors would discipline your children for you. How life has changed.

    We humans are a querrelous lot and as primates we will always be buttinskies. I tend to be rather circumspect, but even I am capable of doing the Spock eyebrow lift and now and then I’ve walked over to an out of control parent, caught their hand before they hit their child in the head again and said, “That’s enough now.” I also observe that most politicans are beyond the pale regarding their behavior.

    The interesting part is that we decry individuals who stand by and let someone be beaten to death in public view and then tell people to MYOB. Humans being what we are, you’re probably more likely to have a buttinski call the cops when someone’s getting hammered than a person to follows the MYOB philosophy.

    Like you, I’m a lawyer. Unlike you, I not a criminal lawyer. I have Libertarian friends who never cease telling me everything that is wrong with the law. Sometimes I look at it as an opportunity to educate them. At other times I’m subvocalizing the Serenity Prayer.

    Aren’t we humans just such fun?!

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