In my ongoing effort to make it to the end of each week without actually killing someone, I have been trying to apply a kind of meditation technique… a mantra, for lack of a better word.
Tolerance, Dignity, Restraint.
I suppose it is an affirmation, of sorts. I try to repeat the words silently to myself, eyes closed, breathing regularly. Tolerate all the idiots around me. Act with dignity while I try to suffer the ignorance of others. Exercise restraint by not hacking morons to death with a kitchen knife.
I’m hoping this little ploy will mollify my homicidal impulses.
Whenever I feel an overpowering urge to stick a fork in someone’s neck or shove an offending party from the curb and into the path of an oncoming bus, I whip out the old mantra and, hopefully, avoid being splashed across the next day’s tabloid headlines.
So far, the stratagem’s been working. Well, at least the body count has hovered at zero since I started employing this new regimen.
I am not without my limits, however. There is only so much one can expect from repeatedly murmuring a few niceties to oneself.
The real challenge will come when, pushed beyond the limit, I feel compelled, on behalf of all that is good and decent in this world, to terminate an offending party… with extreme prejudice.
And tabloid headlines be darned to heck!