Tolerance, Dignity, Restraint

In my ongoing effort to make it to the end of each week without actually killing someone, I have been trying to apply a kind of meditation technique… a mantra, for lack of a better word.

Tolerance, Dignity, Restraint.

I suppose it is an affirmation, of sorts. I try to repeat the words silently to myself, eyes closed, breathing regularly. Tolerate all the idiots around me. Act with dignity while I try to suffer the ignorance of others. Exercise restraint by not hacking morons to death with a kitchen knife.

(Tolerance… the price you pay for leaving your house each day)

I’m hoping this little ploy will mollify my homicidal impulses.

Whenever I feel an overpowering urge to stick a fork in someone’s neck or shove an offending party from the curb and into the path of an oncoming bus, I whip out the old mantra and, hopefully, avoid being splashed across the next day’s tabloid headlines.

(If a cat can have it… why can’t you?)

So far, the stratagem’s been working. Well, at least the body count has hovered at zero since I started employing this new regimen.

I am not without my limits, however. There is only so much one can expect from repeatedly murmuring a few niceties to oneself.

(It’s just so difficult sometimes!)

The real challenge will come when, pushed beyond the limit, I feel compelled, on behalf of all that is good and decent in this world, to terminate an offending party… with extreme prejudice.

(You’ve left me no other reasonable alterative!)

And tabloid headlines be darned to heck!

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2 comments on “Tolerance, Dignity, Restraint

  1. Mozes says:

    Oh I agree whole heartedly. Had a rather interesting conversation with a co-worker who seemed absolutely terrified of giving me some bad news. I found myself telling him that just because I stabbed someone ONCE doesn’t mean I’m going to make a habit of it.

    • vampyrefangs says:

      I feel your cow-orker’s pain. Well, maybe not as much as he feels it with a letter opener sticking out of his chest. But you get the point. (Again, maybe not quite as much as he does) ! 😀

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