House of Wax: Review

Watched House of Wax the other night.

No… not the original 1953 House of Wax with Vincent Price.

(House of Wax, 2005 – It’s not as bad as they say! Really!!)

I watched the 2005 House of Wax with Paris Hilton in it. That’s the way people refer to the movie, it seems. “Oh… the House of Wax with Paris Hilton in it!” (sneer sneer)

I guess I am still getting over all the bad reviews of Sucker Punch [1]… But like Sucker Punch, House of Wax isn’t really that bad. And Paris Hilton is certainly no worse than any other mediocre actor in the role of sexy blonde bimbo.

This is by no means on Oscar-winning film. But… I have to tell you… it doesn’t really deserve all the trash talk dished out over it. It is a perfectly fine B-movie horror flick. It’s not great… but it sure ain’t awful, either.

OK, here’s the deal…

Six college-age kids head out to see The Big Game in The Big City. They camp out over night. The next morning, one of the cars has a broken belt. Four of the kids go ahead, two – boyfriend (Jared Padalecki from Supernatural) and girlfriend (Elisha Cuthbert) – stay behind to get the car fixed. They go to the nearby town of Ambrose – practically a ghost town with a big House of Wax museum. They check out the museum. It is filled with figures of ordinary-looking people. It appears the entire building is made of wax as well. They continue looking for the auto-mechanic whom they find in a church during a funeral. He takes them to his house. By this time, it’s getting dark. The boyfriend goes inside and snoops around (the girlfriend stays outside) while the mechanic gets changed. The boyfriend is attacked and, in the basement, strapped to a chair and spray-coated in boiling hot wax. Meanwhile, outside, the girl is also attacked, captured and taken to a downstairs room and strapped to a chair. The girlfriend’s brother (Chad Michael Murray) and his friend show up looking for the couple and they also piece together what is going on (i.e. that this is a ghost town and a psycho is capturing people and making wax figures out of them). The remaining two young people, another girlfriend (Paris Hilton) and her boyfriend, are camping nearby, making out. Mayhem ensues as the wax killers (two brothers who are alluded to in a brief scene at the beginning of the movie) go after the remaining kids, getting them one by one. The whole thing ends up with a final battle in the burning and melting House of Wax (really cool effects, by the way) with the girlfriend and her brother fighting against the two wax killer brothers.

(House of Wax cast. The characters they play are either idiots or a-holes or both!)

Virtually every one of the young people, except maybe the girlfriend played by Elisha Cuthbert, is pretty much a moron or an a-hole of one stripe or another. Seriously, they are not a likeable bunch. I was actually relieved to see some of them get bumped off. But I felt that there were some genuinely suspenseful and scary bits in the movie. I didn’t think it stunk.

Now while “I didn’t think it stunk” is hardly a ringing endorsement, just because something is average doesn’t make it rotten. Speaking of rotten, gave House of Wax a 25% approval rating. Not all that great, really. (Sucker Punch got only 23%!)

So to hell with the crabby sour puss critics. House of Wax is a perfectly fine B horror movie.

As a yeshivish [2] friend of mine would say, “It’s mamish [3] OK!”

And (SPOILER ALERT) you get to see Paris Hilton’s head get impaled with a spear!

One waxy thumb up!


[1] Reviewed by me July 8, 2011: Sucker Punch: My Zombie Apocalypse Army!

[2] Yeshivish. [Yinglish] Of or pertaining to a yeshiva (ישיבה)… very loosely translated as ‘rabbinical school.’

[3] Mamish (ממש) [Hebrew/Yiddish]. It means ‘literally’ or ‘really.’

3 comments on “House of Wax: Review

  1. nfhfbdbb says:

    Love u chad

  2. Kaley says:

    Yeah, I watched this before I read any reviews for it, and was surprised by just how bad people were making the movie out to be. Sure, it’s not a gripping-the-edge-of-your-seat kind of horror movie, but as far as slashers go, it’s memorable and entertaining. Which is a lot in the slasher genre.

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