Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 2): Seasonally Affected Dippiness Syndrome

Maybe it’s my jovial good nature. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I’ve mastered too well the ability to feign sincerity.

Some people, when they are with me, begin to wax poetic about the end of summer and the onset of autumn.

(Who knew something so beautiful could set off something so irritating?)

September is an absolute menace when it comes to otherwise decent and considerate people spouting off about how life is like a big harvest and ‘gather ye rosebuds while ye may’ and have I ever noticed how a cornfield in the fall is like an old person? Or how a harvested corn crop feels so lonely? Or how pumpkins in the field remind one of abandoned hopes and dreams?

(Regret and disillusion as portrayed by gourd-like squash)

Cease with the similes, already! Enough with the analogies!  Spare me the bucolic metaphors!

It’s enough to distract me from gloating that summer is almost gone.

I’m all for a bit of poetry here and there. I myself have been known repeatedly to inflict Haiku poetry on a dearly beloved former partner. Be that as it may, what I have NOT done is flit hither and thither tossing seasonal bon mots around like I was strewing roses from my hat.

I wish others would show equal restraint.

Those afflicted with Seasonally Affected Dippiness Syndrome (or as I prefer to call it, Fall-Autumn Theatrical Histrionics Extreme Annoyance Disorder) must seek immediate treatment and stay on their medication.

I’m giving you fair warning!


4 comments on “Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 2): Seasonally Affected Dippiness Syndrome

  1. I suppose this is not a good time to mention that Autumn is my favorite season? The weather is cooler, there’s no ice and snow, there’s color in the trees, a good harvest equals a good winter in terms of how our ancestors rode it out, and it is a time to consider how what we planted as developed – both as a metaphor and as a reality.

    • vampyrefangs says:

      I love autumn. It is by far my most favourite season. Cool days, coll nights, the colours. For me, the whole year could be like the middle two weeks of October. It is because of how much I love the fall that I despise those who try and wreck it for me! 🙂

  2. Flyfisherjo says:

    Maybe its just the unrequited farmer in me but harvested fields just make me want to get on a tractor, plow that crap under and let it start composting.
    I like the smell of autumn, the cool air carries it in crisp and fresh. I like crunching leaves under my feet, I like seeing hills and hills of coloured trees, especially with scarlet. I like to put on my favourite sweaters and enjoy the warmth of the sun instead of it burning me up.
    Fall is the best.
    (and don’t forget to plant your garlic!)

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