Werewolves Don’t Turn Me On

With all the hype and excitement these days about vampyres and zombies, it seems only natural that werewolves want to horn in on all the action.

From Eddie Munster to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to the Twilight Saga to True Blood, it seems like everyone’s got to have their token lycanthrope. And you’d think the furry part of the preternatural triumvirate should get at least a third of the attention. And from some… heck from many… they do. But not from me.

There’s no good reason why werewolves shouldn’t get as much attention from me as vampyres and zombies, really. It’s not like werewolves have said or done anything offensive to me, personally. And it’s not like werewolves want to kill me more or less than a vampyre or zombie… or want to turn me into a werewolf more or less than a vampyre or zombie want to turn me into one of their own kind.

There just isn’t any spark between us, you know? No magic. No chemistry. What I guess I’m saying is, you’re just not my type… or I’m not your type.

I’m not saying this right. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you or anything. It’s just that I’m not really into you. Maybe not even you, personally, but the whole wolf transmogrification thing generally. It’s not that I like werewolves but just not you. I don’t like ANY werewolves. Seriously, I don’t. I’m not just saying that. Honestly.

It’s also not that I don’t like you. I kinda do. Sort of. In a way. But not in THAT way, if you know what I mean.

And don’t give me those big sad puppy dog eyes. That’s just passive-aggressive manipulation and I am SO put off by that. I mean really. It’s not fair. And it’s not right.

I think for both our sakes we should just try not to have any contact with each other. Under any circumstances. At least for a while. And before you ask, no… I don’t think the ‘just friends’ thing would work in this case. I don’t want to send out any mixed messages to you or build up any false hopes or whatever.

And don’t you even bring up Lon Chaney, Jr. That was ages ago. I was a just a kid, for heaven’s sake.

I guess I should let you know that I de-friended you on Facebook. I’ve deleted your email from my address book and your number from my cell phone. A clean break is best. Please respect my wishes. Don’t text me or try to get a hold of me or anything. Please. OK?

So… um… good luck. And… I hope things work out for you.

No, I will not scratch you behind the ear. Gawd!