The Twilight Saga – BREAKING DAWN (Part 2): The Fifth Level of Hell

At last... It’s over. It’s done.

Our long national nightmare is finally over!

Last night, I watched the last… oh Lord, that word never tasted so good in my mouth… The Last Installment of The Twilight Movie Saga – BREAKING DAWN (Part 2)!

[The Twilight Saga - BREAKING DAWN (Part 2) DVD cover]

I suffered through those five movies… a dozen or so hours of my life that I can never get back… and now it is finished.

OK, here’s the deal… Renesmee (Mackenzie Foy and nine or so other actresses who portray Renesmee as she grows up), the half-human half-vampire child of Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) is maturing at an alarming rate. In a matter of a few months, she grows from infant to about 9 years old.

Mayhem ensues when… The Volturi [1] find out about Renesmee. To them, she is an abomination and must be destroyed. Aro (Michael Sheen) and Jane (Dakota Fanning) are particularly enthusiastic about killing the Cullen tot.

My two cents… For all my whining and whinging, Breaking Dawn (Part 2) is not awful. It’s not great but it definitely not dreadful. Unless you’re already a fan of the Twilight Saga, don’t bother seeing this movie. But if you are already a fan, you will probably find Breaking Dawn (Part 2) the best of the bunch.

Bottom line… Not as wretched as I thought it would be.

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[1] The Volturi are the largest, most ancient and most powerful coven of vampires. They enforce the laws of the vampire world. They equivalent of royalty in the vampire world.

THE HOBBIT: An Unexpected Journey (movie review)

I made a special trip to the Zombie Serengeti (aka the Walmarts) to pick up a DVD copy of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.

I’d read J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit when I was in my final year of college. I confess, looking back on it now, it seems that particular stage of my life was a kind of daydream, peopled with characters not unlike a Tolkien novel.

But I digress somewhat.

I am going to presume that everyone reading this article knows all (or enough) about J.R.R Tolkien’s Middle-earth trilogy, The Lord of the Rings and its ‘prequel’ novel, as it were, The Hobbit. It would just be too difficult explaining this vast, intricate and complex fictional world to a total newbie. Sorry. If you’ve never before encountered hobbits, orcs, ringwraiths, dwarves, elves or ents, that’s just too bad. If you’ve never heard of The Shire, Mirkwood, Lothlórien, Rivendell, Gondor, Moria or Mordor, I feel sorry for you. If you have no idea who Gandalf, Bilbo, Frodo, Smaug, Gollum, Galadriel, Lord Elrond, Saruman the White or Thorin Oakenshield are, you are all the poorer for it.

And… if you don’t know what The One Ring is or was… I pity you.

There.

Now, on with the movie! Or rather, the first installment of what is to be the Hobbit film trilogy. [1] 

OK, here’s the deal… as per The Gospel According to Warner Brothers…

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey follows title character Bilbo Baggins, who is swept into an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor, which was long ago conquered by the dragon Smaug. Approached out of the blue by the wizard Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo finds himself joining a company of thirteen dwarves led by the legendary warrior Thorin Oakenshield. Although their goal lies to the East and the wastelands of the Lonely Mountain, first they must escape the goblin tunnels, where Bilbo meets the creature that will change his life forever… Gollum. Here, alone with Gollum, on the shores of an underground lake, the unassuming Bilbo Baggins not only discovers depths of guile and courage that surprise even him, he also gains possession of Gollum’s “precious” …a simple, gold ring that is tied to the fate of all Middle-earth in ways Bilbo cannot begin to know. — (C) Warner Bros

Mayhem ensues when… well, pretty much from the start, really. As soon as Bilbo decides to join Galdalf and the dwarves on their quest, it pretty well goes from one frying pan into an even larger frying pan into the fire then into an even larger fire, and so on and so forth.

Visually, it is stunningly beautiful. The sets, costumes, props, CGI effects, everything is simply gorgeous. The cast is also well-chosen and well-played, including several of the cast members from The Lord of the Rings films. The novel The Hobbit was written primarily for young people and it shows in the film adaptation. Parts of it are silly and cutesy. There are songs in several scenes. I found them annoying in the book and I found them equally annoying in the movie.

The problem with films that are intended to be a franchise is that there is a burden on the first movie to set up the next two. Not that The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is the ‘Basil Exposition’ [2] of the Hobbit trilogy. But still. Some things need to be laid out.

My two cents… Good movie. I really did enjoy myself. And even though I think that making The Hobbit (not the longest book in the world) into a trilogy may end up being a miscalculation, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is definitely worth watching and appreciating for its own sake.

The bottom line… Good movie. If you loved The Lord of the Rings movies, you’re going to like this one. Glad the next one is coming in December and that we only have to wait until summer 2014 for the third one. Let’s hope they match and exceed our expectations.

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[1]  The second installment, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug, is scheduled to be released December 14, 2013 and the last installment, The Hobbit: There and Back Again, is set for release in the summer of 2014.

[2] Ask your parents.

SINISTER (movie review)

It’s kind of refreshing when a new horror movie has genuinely suspenseful scenes and some truly decent scary moments.

Such is the case with Sinister, the 2012 supernatural horror thriller from Jason Bloom, the producer of the Paranormal Activity films and Scott Derrickson, the writer-director of The Exorcism of Emily Rose.  Deliciously creepy and had me on the edge of my seat more than once.

OK, here’s the deal… Ethan Hawke plays a true crime novelist who moves into a house that was the scene of a gruesome multiple murder. He discovers a box of mysterious, disturbing homemade snuff movies that plunge his family into a nightmarish experience of supernatural horror. The more the writer discovers about the horrific murders, the more the evil entity behind it all grows and becomes stronger.

Mayhem ensues… when the supernatural ritual/serial killer starts taking over the writer, the house and his family.

Found footage, 8mm film, digital videos, photos, hallucinations, sleep walking, night terrors, writer in a new home looking at some old images and going nuts because a supernatural evil is taking over the place (think The Shining), the impending doom of someone who has watched the wrong movie (think The Ring). Yes, Sinister does incorporate many elements from previous movies but it still manages to put together a scary tale that is sure to give you more than a few  goosebumps.

RottenTomatoes.com gives Sinister a 63% freshness rating. Normally, this is, to me, a bad sign. If a movie has a high rating, I usually love it. If it has a really low rating, I usually love it. I rarely enjoy movies that get the equivalent of a C average. Sinister is an exception. Ethan Hawke is very good as the writer. The horror atmosphere of the movie is almost always dark. Literally. Even when the lights are on, the house seems to be shrouded in darkness. [1]

I do have to admit that the ‘evil supernatural force’ schtick is a bit stupid but you can’t have everything.

My two cents… Sinister is by no means a great horror movie. It’s more creepy than scary. But if you want something to get the old ticker going, this may be the one for you.

Bottom line… Perfectly decent popcorn horror movie. Great to watch with a gf/bf/date [1] who appreciates a good scare,

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[1] And while we’re on the subject, why doesn’t anyone in this film turn on the lights when they walk into a dark room? Seriously, for the whole movie people are stumbling around in the dark for no reason.

[2] Speaking of dates, I am most likely dating myself with the use of the word ‘date.’ Does anyone date anymore? Please advise.

Harley Quinn

There is a lesser-known super villain in the DC pantheon who goes by the nom de crime…

Her human progenitor is/was Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a psychiatrist assigned to Gotham City’s Arkham Asylum for the criminally insane.

It was there that the young Dr. Quinn met and began treating super villain and Batman nemesis the Joker.

Dr. Quinn eventually falls for the Joker and becomes his accomplice and on-off sidekick/lover.

I love Harley Quinn. She’s a whole lot of fun!

Aside, perhaps, from Catwoman, Harley Quinn is by far my favourite DC gal.

 Here’s to you, Harley!

You’re the best!

Movie Reviews: Total Recall – Resident Evil: Retribution.

Saw a couple of movies this weekend.

Total Recall

I remember watching the old 1990 version with Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was cool. I also remember hearing that they originally planned on casting Matthew Broderick in the lead role because they wanted the lead to be the most unlikely spy ever. Instead they went with a big box-office name whom no one was surprised to discover was actually some top spy.

One of the things I liked best about the 2012 remake (with Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel) was that Colin Farrell did seem like some grubby, scruffy factory worker.

A lot of critics complained that there was too much action/effects and not enough plot. I disagree. The plot was simple. Bored guy wants something exciting in his life. Decides to go to Rekall (‘Tell us your fantasy, We’ll make it real’), a company that will implant the memory of what you want your adventure/fantasy/vacation to be. Turns out, he’s already had a memory implanted. It’s his own life. Turns out ordinary scruffy factory worker is actually a real-live spy turned insurgent and what he thinks is his life is the implanted memory. In actual fact, he’s like the world’s greatest secret agent ever.

The action scenes were fantastic. The special effects eye-popping. Check it out. I liked it a lot.

Both the 1990 and 2012 film adaptations of Total Recall are based on “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale” - a short story by Philip K. Dick first published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction in April 1966. The book too is also worth a look!

Resident Evil: Retribution

I hate writing this. I pains me. Why? Because I am in love with Milla Jovovich. Always have been. Always will be.

Resident Evil: Retribution is everything that everyone said about Total Recall (2012). It doesn’t live up to its predecessor. It’s all action and no plot. It’s just an excuse to slap together a lot of special effects and fight scenes. It even has the old ‘imprinted fake memory’ shtick.

Yes. Yes. It’s true. It’s all true!

But it has, for me, one redeeming quality. Milla Jovovich in a tight black PVC outfit. I can watch the entire movie with the sound off and still get all breathless and weak at the knees every time she’s on the screen (or in my case, the computer monitor).

I don’t care that the plot sucks. I don’t care that the special effects are the main excuse for the movie. I don’t care that the film is basically a real-life version of a computer game. I just… don’t… care.

(Could be zombies. Could be fans from Comic-Con. Hard to tell sometimes)

Milla Jovovich as Alice. That is the only ingredient I need.

So say what you will about the movie. I’ll probably agree with almost all of it. But it doesn’t matter to me. Just like it doesn’t matter that Underworld: Awakening was bad. It has Kate Beckinsale in tight leather and PVC!!

It’s like I can’t think or process any information after that point. I’m helpless.

(“My name is Alice. I worked for the Umbrella Corporation”)

My mind shuts off. My eyes widen… and my heart belongs to her. There is nothing else.

Movie Reviews: More of the Same

Did a bit of a DVD movie marathon this weekend.

Saw a few movies which were basically more of the same. Which isn’t a bad thing, really.

They were good. I liked them a lot.

But when it comes down to it, they were… well… more of the same.

(The Dark Knight Rises)

If you are a fan of this trilogy, you will not be disappointed in The Dark Knight Rises… the last installment. It may not have a villain as deliciously brilliant as Heath Ledger’s Joker… but it does have Anne Hathaway at Catwoman, and that ain’t bad.

(Men in Black 3)

Men in Black 3 is perhaps the most ‘more of the same’ of the three movies I saw this weekend. Josh Brolin as young K is a hoot. If you love the Men in Black franchise, you’re going to love this one too.

(The Avengers)

This is a great idea. Take a bunch of Marvel superheroes. Give them each a movie. Then roll all of the characters into one big epic smash ‘em up blockbuster. If you love Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man (and who doesn’t?) and Scarlett Johanssen as Agent Romanov (and who doesn’t?) and every other Marvel character in the other movies… then The Avengers is just the flick for you!

Neurobiology of Fear

Reblogged from Joshua Hoffine Horror Blog:

Continued from post What is Horror?

If the Horror genre is best defined by the intention to elicit and manipulate the emotion of fear, what then exactly is the emotion of fear?

The dictionary defines fear as: a feeling of agitation and dread caused by the presence or imminence of danger.

Persons experiencing fear display increased alertness, concentration on the source of fear, attack and fight-or-flight behaviors, and evidence of sympathetic-nerve stimulation such as cardiovascular excitation, superficial vasoconstriction, and dilation of the pupils.

Read more… 531 more words

Neurobiology of Fear Continued from Joshua Hoffine's post 'What is Horror?'  

Warm Bodies (trailer)

Warm Bodies Trailer

Just a typical love story between a girl and a zombie.

A funny new twist on a classic love story, WARM BODIES is a poignant tale about the power of human connection. After a zombie epidemic, R (a highly unusual zombie) encounters Julie (a human survivor), and rescues her from a zombie attack. Julie sees that R is different from the other zombies, and as the two form a special relationship in their struggle for survival, R becomes increasingly more human – setting off an exciting, romantic, and often comical chain of events that begins to transform the other zombies and maybe even the whole lifeless world.

In theaters February 1, 2013

New Trailer for The Hobbit!

New trailer for the upcoming film “The Hobbit!”

Looks great! Can’t wait!

The Twilight Saga – BREAKING DAWN (Part 1): The Fourth Level of Hell

Well, I’ve managed to survive the Twilight Saga movie series so far. Let’s see how I make out with the fourth installment, Breaking Dawn (Part 1)!

I have to tell you, I did not think I would make it this far into the series. I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed.

OK, here goes (according to the DVD blurb)…

A marriage, honeymoon and the birth of a child bring unforeseen and shocking developments for Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) and those they love, including new complications for werewolf, Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner).

(Twi-hards’ dream wedding but where did Bella get that dress living out in the sticks?!)

Mayhem ensues when… Bella gets pregnant like right away… and is ready to deliver in a month or so, that is how fast the pregnancy is progressing. There are severe complications with the pregnancy. The wolf pack gets their fur in a knot because they believe the baby is probably going to be some abomination that won’t be able to control its appetite and will be a danger to all humans around it. They decide to kill the baby. Jacob leaves the pack to protect Bella. Lord knows why.

In this movie, Edward is even more insufferable than ever. Usually, it’s Bella who drives you crazy but in Breaking Dawn (Part 1), Edward gives her a run for her money. What a whiny  pouting, long-faced loser. You almost feel sorry for Bella for having married such a spineless downer of a yutz. Almost.

So how was Breaking Dawn (Part 1) received. I am glad you asked!

RottenTomatoes.com gives it a 25% freshness rating, saying, “Slow, joyless, and loaded with unintentionally humorous moments, Breaking Dawn Part 1 may satisfy the Twilight faithful, but it’s strictly for fans of the franchise.”

Jeff Bayer at The Scorecard Review: Whatever momentum the third film had in this series, it’s gone. Once again, it’s an average soap opera.

Robert Roten at the Laramie Movie Scope: This slow-moving film has long periods of inaction and generates little suspense, making it the worst film in the “Twilight Saga” films so far.

But the reviews weren’t all bad…

Tom Long, Top Critic: There are a few reasons The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1 is probably the best of the Twilight films.

Bruce Diones, at the New Yorker: This penultimate “Twilight” film is the best in the series so far. It’s languorous, romantic, moody, and, in the end, horrifying.

My two cents… Breaking Dawn (Part 1) solves a lot of the tension issues that make the Cullen/Swan couple such an enormous pain in the tush. Sex, Marriage, Vampirism… they all get settled. What we are left with is Edward and Bella as a married couple and sweet Lord almighty are they tedious. When Bella starts languishing during childbirth, becoming anorexic to the point of looking like a human skeleton, I was cheering for the baby to finish her off once and for all. Alas, it was not to be.

Breaking Dawn (Part 1) is a soapy melodrama. Twi-hards will love it. The whole wedding thing? I could almost see tweens, teens and Twi-hard moms alike drenching Kleenex like they were getting paid for it. I was starting to get used to things in the last movie but this one brings it all crashing down to earth. And was there anyone out there who didn’t know that the movie would end with a close-up of Bella’s new, red vampire eyes?

The bottom line… Breaking Dawn (Part 1) is My Big Fat Boring Vampire Wedding.

Now I figure that most of the angst-producing stuff that gets Edward to furrow his brow and look like he has gas… or that makes Bella… well… look exactly the same no matter what… is taken care of in this movie. Edward didn’t want to have sex and Bella did? They had sex. Bella didn’t want to get married and Edward did? They got married. Edward didn’t want to make Bella a vampire and she did? She’s a vampire.

Gee… I wonder what will happen in Breaking Dawn (Part 2) to make them feel all tortured about who they are and what they want and Lord oh Lord I hope Blade or Buffy or someone with a wooden stake shows up at the end of the next movie and takes care of them both!

Breaking Down (Part 2) opens in theatres November 16, 2012.