Rinxiety: HypoVibroChondria… or merely a Fauxcellarm?

Do you suffer from Rinxiety? [1]

How about Phantom Ring Effect (or Phantom Ringing), Phantom Vibration Syndrome, Vibranxiety,  HypoVibroChondria or Fauxcellarm?

All of the above terms describe the sensation and the false belief that one can hear his or her mobile phone ringing or feel it vibrating, when in fact the telephone is not doing so.

Phantom ringing may be experienced while taking a shower, watching television, or using a noisy device. Humans are particularly sensitive to auditory tones between 1,000 and 6,000 hertz, and basic mobile phone ringers often fall within this range. This frequency range can generally be more difficult to locate spatially, thus allowing for potential confusion when heard from a distance.

False vibrations are less well understood, however, and could have psychological or neurological sources.

With me, Phantom Ringing happens most often when I am driving and listening to the radio. Many times, I check to see if my cell phone is ringing/vibrating (I have it set on both ring and vibrate).

About 80% of the time, it is merely a Fauxcellarm. In fact, yesterday I was in my car listening to a program about Rinxiety when it happened! Very strange.

Is this VibraSchtick new? Am I riding a 21st century phantom fad? Hardly!

(Tesla – Where are you now that we need you most?)

Nikola Tesla knew something that many of his contemporaries in the late 1800s either did not know, or chose to ignore.  He knew that with the amazing power of electricity and current, came an incredible capacity for danger.

(If Tesla had invented the cell phone)

Sadly, because studying our own health has taken such a back seat to technological advances, we could very well be causing our own issues. What if Phantom Vibration Syndrome (or Vibranxiety) isn’t actually a neurological problem, but rather, the result of a very real physical ailment?  How tragic it would be to know that by using even the tiniest of devices, we’re killing ourselves.

Tesla wouldn’t approve, but then, I don’t think he’d be surprised.

And will someone PLEASE answer that phone?

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Ringxiety is a portmanteau neologism formed from the words “ringtone” and “anxiety.” It was first coined by David Laramie, a doctoral student at the California School of Professional Psychology, whose dissertation concerned the effects of cell phones on behavior.

Shenanigans

Saw this last week and it tickled me!

I am a sucker for the ‘flaky upper crust!’

I love it!

I’ve always had a bizarre fascination with Little Lord Fauntleroy types. It probably explains my fondness for the Monty comic strip character Master Sedgwick Nuttingham IV.

What with that most ghastly of holidays behind us, I thought it appropriate that Sedgie put in an appearance!

I hope you all had a relatively tragedy-free February 14th!

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NB: I’ve been in Israel since February 11th. Hang in there, my little geeks and nerdlings. If all goes well, I will be returning Monday the 25th.

Purim is NOT the Jewish Halloween!

I’m afraid I have to vent about something.

This year, the Jewish festival of Purim (commemorating and celebrating the events of the biblical book of Esther) falls on Sunday February 24th. If all goes well, I will be in Israel then and for the first time (hopefully) will avoid the subject matter of this blog post.

(A Scroll of Esther)

Many non-Jews, in an attempt to wrap their well-meaning minds around Jewish concepts, ideas, holidays, customs, food, themes, etc., often try to compare or connect them to things with which they are familiar.

“OK, now… Hanukah. That’s like the Jewish Christmas, right?”

“Mezuzahs? Those are good luck amulet things on your doors, right?”

(Yeah, I kinda figured that one out on my own)

“Passover… is that the one where you sit around eating crackers for a week?”

G-d bless their little cotton socks. This is normal. This is to be expected.

This is also a bit tedious yet kinda tiresome, usually. In a way.  Well… it depends, really.

I’ll try to explain.

In the interests of multiculturalism and understanding (not to mention peace and love) between ethnic groups, I try to be sort of an ambassador for Judaism and the Jewish people, if you will, whenever I can. Most people who ask questions like this above genuinely mean well, generally. They just need a bit of Jewish education. I am happy to help put them in the picture… if for no other reason that to stop even one more person saying that Hanukah is the Jewish Xmas.

If the person is asking a sincere question and wants to know something about Jews and Judaism, believe me, it’s my pleasure. If they are genuinely interested… I am there with both feet.

But… every once in a while, we get the wise guys with their smarmy, smarty pants questions.

(“I’m just sayin’… [that I think you're a moron]!”)

“Why do you spell it ‘G-d?’ Is it because you’re afraid you’re going to hell if you get Him mad? If it’s ’cause you’re not supposed to say His name… umm… you know that G-d isn’t His real name, right?” <insert self-satisfied smirk here>

“Kosher laws were like ancient biblical food health and safety regulations from before you guys had refrigerators, right? So… why do you still do it?” <unsaid: It’s because you’re an idiot who blindly and unquestioningly follows outdated customs, isn’t it?>

“Do you seriously think an ‘almighty deity’ cares if you turn on a light switch or scribble a note on Saturday?” <add raised eyebrow and/or condescending sneer>

These aren’t really questions. These are statements (e.g. “you’re stupid!”) masquerading as questions.

Because they’re not really questions I don’t really answer them. I just give the person the patient sigh and the pressed smile. It’s not all that difficult ignoring the non-questioner. They’re annoying but… that’s all. Just annoying.

I don’t engage with these types of people for the same reason I don’t play chess with pigeons. They knock over the pieces, crap on the board and then strut around like they’ve won the game.

(Psst… Saying it loudly doesn’t make you right)

And I won’t even get into the whole hostile evangelical questioner thing! [1] [2]

So… bottom line. Purim is not the Jewish Halloween. Hanukah is not the Jewish Xmas. Passover is not the Jewish Easter.  Moses is not the Jewish Jesus. If you want to know the real authentic answer to your questions, as your friendly neighbourhood Orthodox Jew. [3]

In a few days, I will be flying to Israel for two weeks. I’ll let you know if any secular Israelis or born again tourists ask me anything!

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[1] The loud, arrogant and downright rude biblethumper who points his finger an inch from your face or chest and says, “You Jews rejected your Messiah!” (No… we rejected YOUR Messiah. BIG difference!)

[2] I had one enthusiastic born-again preacher literally walk over a picnic table and run out to me on a sidewalk in Hot Springs, Arkansas, in order to pick a fight with (aka ‘witness to’) me. I must have stuck out like… well… a Jew walking along the sidewalk in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

[3] NB: ‘Messianics’ or ‘Hebrew Christians’ (e.g. Jews for Jesus) do not practice Judaism. That’s because what they believe in is Christianity. The answer you’ll get from them is basically no different than the one you will get from any other born again evangelical fundamentalist Christian.

Fashion is My Jesus?

Saw this photo last night and HAD to post it here!

The photo is linked to BabeWalker.com. Babe Walker is the genius behind the fabulous book White Girl Problems.

I found the photo at the White Girl Problems Facebook page.

Not being a Christian, I am very curious to see other people’s reaction to this photo.

Shocking? Offensive? Intriguing? Does it make your blood race? Your jaw drop? Your eyes roll?

I’d genuinely like to hear… especially from those in the fashion and photography business!

Anger, Not Forgiveness, May Be the Key to Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

The folks over at MedicalDaily.com may be on to something!

In a recent article, it states that anger, not forgiveness, may be the key to maintaining a healthy relationship.

The time-honored tradition of forgive and forget may not be the best way to a happy marriage, psychologists revealed.

Instead, they claim that expressing your anger and having a heated but honest conversation could be more effective clearing the air and guaranteeing a long and healthy relationship.

Relationship psychologists at Florida State University said that forgiveness does not always work and could actually cause some major problems in an intimate relationship.

“I continued to find evidence that thoughts and behaviors presumed to be associated with better well-being lead to worse well-being among some people — usually the people who need the most help achieving well-being,” researcher James McNulty said in a statement.

McNulty looked at the potential costs of positive psychology by looking at previous studies and found that that forgiveness in a marriage can have some untended negative effects.

“We all experience a time in a relationship in which a partner transgresses against us in some way,” he said. “For example, a partner may be financially irresponsible, unfaithful, or unsupportive.”

He said that when these problems in the relationship occur, partners must decide whether they should be angry and to hold onto their anger or to forgive.

He discovered that a variety of factors can complicate the effectiveness of forgiveness, including a partner’s level of agreeableness and the severity and frequency of the wrongdoing.

He said that while an agreeable person who believes that their partner is forgiving is less likely to offend their partner, a disagreeable person may actually be more likely to offend their partner.

Furthermore, he said that anger can serve a vital role in signaling to a transgressing partner that their offensive behavior is not acceptable.

“If the partner can do something to resolve a problem that is likely to otherwise continue and negatively affect the relationship, people may experience long-term benefits by temporarily withholding forgiveness and expressing anger,” he said.

However, psychologists note that there is never a single answer to a problem.

“There is no ‘magic bullet,’ no single way to think or behave in a relationship. The consequences of each decision we make in our relationships depends on the circumstances that surround that decision,” he concluded.

Dress for the body you have… not the body you want! (Part 2 – Men)

I recently posted a blog article about some young teenage girls and their unfortunate habit of dressing for a body type other than their own.

Today I get to take a swing at the guys.

I’d like to set my sights on an equally repellent aspect that some men have, namely decking themselves out in a way that causes right-thinking members of society to want to claw their eyes out.

(Friends don’t let friends wear mullets!)

Young or old, middle class or poor, there is something about a guy who seems to be completely oblivious as to what he really looks like.

They can’t possibly leave the house knowing that they look the way they do!

(John Daly’s golf pants make me want to scream)

And no normal self-respecting woman I know would ever let their guy leave the house looking like that!

And yet… there they are, infesting the aisles of the local Walmarts!

Each and every one of these clowns left the house thinking they look gooood!

They soooo don’t!

(Oh, COME ON!!)

So guys… for the love of all that’s good and decent in the world…

Stop it.

JUST… STOP IT!

Dress for the body you have… not the body you want!

Important fashion tip for my damsels in distress [1]...

Ladies [2], I cannot over-state the importance of this little aphorism.

You may think you look scorchingly hot in that skimpy, sexy little outfit you squeezed into this morning. But unless you are anything other than slender… dare I say ‘willowy’… you (and perhaps a road crew) aren’t going to pull it off.

Be realistic. And I am not saying that anyone other than fashion models deserve to dress well. Heaven forfend.

BUT… if you are trying to dress like the runway models at New York Fashion Week and you kinda don’t look like them to start off with… you might want to lower your expectations just a titch.

Sadly, however, the young ladies with whom I usually deal do not aspire to haute couture. Far from it. From where I sit, it seems that some of them are in a fashion ‘race to the bottom.’

I’m not sure when ‘skanky’ became a ‘serious’ fashion choice but for heaven’s sake girls… knock it off. [3]

Yes, we all know you recently discovered that you have both the drive and the equipment. Congratulations. You’re right up there with… Every Other Girl.

As Spiderman said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Put another way, ‘your body is a temple… not an amusement park.’

Dress appropriately.

And that includes dressing realistically. If you are tall, slender, perfectly proportioned with a pretty face and a great smile, ignore everything I just said. This article is not directed at you.

For the 99.9% of you who are not blessed with such award-winning genes, work with what you have… not what you wish you had.

You’ll look and feel so much better. And right-thinking members of society will thank you.

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[1] As many of you know, I am a criminal defence lawyer in my ‘other’ (i.e. non-blogging, non-writing) life. As such, I am exposed to all manner of fashion disasters and couture tragedies. Usually I hold my tongue. Sometimes, I simply must speak out!

[2] Trust me… guys have this problem as well. More so in a later blog article!

[3] The entire subject of ‘slutty clothing’ will also be dealt with in another blog article. Girls who choose to dress modestly often get smart-ass remarks from the skankily-dressed set. An Orthodox Jewish high school girl I know was once asked why she dressed like someone just died. As Wednesday Addams would reply, “Wait.”

Coital Cephalalgia: Not tonight. I have a headache.

An orgasm, the ultimate pleasure? For those suffering coital cephalalgia, or “sexual headaches”, it’s quite the opposite.

A recent article indicates that this rare type of headache occurs in about 1% of men and is characterized by a sudden, severe “explosive” pain at the base of the skull that builds just before or during orgasm. Afterward the intense pain may last for several hours or even a few days.

(They are the 1%!)

(A headache? Seriously?? That’s MY line!!)

Doctors aren’t certain of what causes this disorder. Erectile dysfunction medications such as Viagra could be a malefactor, as it’s estimated that 10% of men using this kind of medication may experience coital cephalalgia. Although these headaches are often benign, it’s always important to seek medical attention if you are experiencing them as in rare cases it could indicate a tumor or worse.

Over-exposure seems to be the best treatment. According to Wikipedia, “a doctor may recommend heavy sexual activity and masturbation for a short period of time ranging from a few days to a few weeks.”

(Thanks, Doc!)

To sooth the pain, it’s recommendable to take medications that prevent such headaches (Propranolol) during this intense sexual period.

(In other words… Take An Aspirin, Buddy!!)

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Anand KS, & Dhikav V (2009). Primary headache associated with sexual activity. Singapore medical journal, 50 (5) PMID: 19495503

Why I Hate Almost Everyone (Part 17): Marathons

While technically, ‘marathons’ would normally not be included in a list of people I hate, I am going to have to make an exception in this case.

Running marathons, bike marathons and all the other stupid thingathons would not occur if it wasn’t for those people out there who are eager to participate in marathons, curse their sweaty, spandex-encased little hearts.

(GET AWAY FROM MY NEIGHBOURHOOD, DAMMIT!!)

It is common (albeit not publicly expressed) knowledge that any kind of marathon that disrupts or interferes with traffic or even one’s ability to cross an intersection without having to wait for a hundred well-meaning yet horribly annoying people, bothers right-thinking members of society.

Today was an excellent example. There I was, minding my own business and deliberately taking a country drive in order to avoid traffic and crowds. No sooner did I arrive in town than I (and a dozen other drivers, including a couple of motorcyclists with whom I would not want to mess) were held at bay by a local regional police officer (no doubt cursing under his breath). It was in the one of the warmest days of the year so far.

What was the hold-up? It could have been an accident. It could have been some other emergency that legitimately and understandably kept us stranded at that intersection.

(I’ve been waiting 10 minutes to cross the street. GO AWAY!!)

But noooooo!! It was hundreds of stupid bike marathoners!!

One even had the nerve to smile and wave at me. Wave at me? You think I’m happy that I’m sitting here in the heat while you glide on by, you twerp? If there wasn’t an armed member of the local constabulary standing nearby, you’d be a hood-ornament on my car!

Listen. If people want to run around for miles and miles, bless them. If people want to peddle around for miles and miles, let them.

Just get them away from people who have things to do!!

(Now THAT’S more like it! Text me if you make it, ok?)

Stop the madness!

Or at least move the entire shindig out to where it can’t be an inconvenience to pedestrians and traffic.

Unattended Children

It bothers me when I see unattended children.

Maybe because it is so rare these days. It seems that when I was a mere tot I was left to run amok completely unattended. Entire weekends were spent with adults having only the vaguest idea where I was.

I somehow made it home for lunch.  I learned to come home when the street lights came on.  Other than that, my friends and I roamed around town like feral cats and dogs.

It wasn’t really all that unusual ‘way back when.’

Now? A whole different playground, folks.

We seem to have been lured into this mindset that the world is programmed to hurt, maim and kill children if they are not supervised every single minute of the day.

No one seemed to worry when yours truly played with mercury or lawn darts… a toy that appeared to be specially designed for killing children.

Amazingly enough, the Lawn Darts packages actually contains this warning:

WARNING: Lawn Darts can be dangerous and may cause serious of fatal injury. Read instructions carefully. Keep away from children

Often times, this sense of being bothered by unattended children quickly turns into annoyance.

Maybe it’s a feeling of “if the parents don’t worry about their offspring, why the heck should I?”

I’ve begun to notice signs in commercial establishments that echo this feeling of mine.

I admire the tactic. Threaten to make the insufferable little beasts even more of a nightmare than they are already!

I don’t know if it works but I have to tell you, I admire the effort.

Well done, folks!